January 2, 2009

I slept way longer than I intended to. The plan was to get up and go down to Des Moines and hang out with either Kelly or Andrew/Kathryn. I bummed around a bit and by the time I was ready to go, I decided to stay in Ames with Ben because he was feeling down. He's not the kind of person who would tell me to stay with him, but I knew I wouldnt want to be alone if I were him so I stayed. I little while later, he got a text from his mom saying that his cousin had died. I held him on the couch for awhile while he took it all in. I felt bad actually because while I was sitting there, first I prayed for Audrey, Ben, Ben's Aunt and Audrey's son Wade....but after that I started watching TV and a commercial came on for the Rock of Love reunion and I gasped.......well it probably seemed to him like I wasnt paying attention to him or that I was watching TV while he was feeling emotional.......but I really was focusing on him.....I just got distracted for a minute. But then he decided he needed to go up to Mason and I had to get to work so I got my things, said goodbye and headed down to Des Moines. When something serious happens or I am feeling a certain way, I have to reflect that in my music. I would normally have listened to something dancy or the Pussycat Dolls or somethign, but I kept my musical selection on the drive home very hopeful and low key. I listened to some Superchik and prayed for Ben's family again. By the time I got home, I didnt have much time before I had to get ready for work. So I got ready and headed to RWOG. Let me just say that I cannot quite explain why I am so connected to that place. But I am, and I cant help it. Being there on a Friday night just feels right. The customers I have waited on for the past 6 years, my fellow servers and kitchen staff. I felt SOOOO welcomed and the greeting after greeting of "I missed you! glad you're here, where have you been".........it makes me feel good. And on top of that I found out that Sunday I will be training someone again just made my night! Robin came up to me and said that the past few people just havent been getting it so she wanted me to train the next person........sigh.......I miss feeling important! So I'm happy that even after being away for the past four months I can still come back. honestly I go back half for extra money, half for the people. I also found out Stacey and Jen N are having a co-bday dinner/party/gathering and I am so excited! Monday the 26th I think? anyways I'll be there! So when all was said and done with the night, I got to see my friends, old customers, feel good/important, and make $120........good night. Now I am home, wishing Ben was here.......I dont really wish I was up there, cause I would feel awkward, but I want him to be with his family......but I want to comfort him at the same time.......but cant do that. I'm really not looking forward to driving up to Ames tomorrow and workign at Maudes....yuck. Hopefully I'll get off early!, but probably not. Sigh. I do need to go to the gym tomorrow though, keep on working towards that 20lbs! As I lay down to sleep tonight I am singing "Breathe" by Superchik.........its sung in an eery/sweet harmony.....over and over "so keep breathing.........go on breathe in.......keep on breathing...........just breathe"