January 10

I feel relieved. I am relieved because I dont have to fix my car until spring, and the body shop actually reccomended waiting until spring. So I will just do a ghetto fix until then. On top of that, the quote from Schlarbaum was about $200 less than Toyota's. so that is HAPPY news! Saw the Unborn last night, even though I knew I shouldn't but the previews just looked so scary I thought this would be my new Saw! some movie that kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time and when I left the theater I'd still be scared. Not the case. After seeing the preview about 50 times, I had become numb to all the scary parts from the trailer, so they didnt phase me during the movie. The only feeling it did leave me with was uneasyness due to the weird demonic-ness, which I dont like. It was borderline Exorcist. Not good. As I'm typing this, I am listening to a clip of the new Kelly Clarkson song "My Life Would Suck Without You"....this is the new radio hit of the spring I promise! just the 35 seconds that I have is great! so catchy! Its the next "So What".....or "Since U Been Gone part 2".....get excited its a good one, I love Kelly Clarkson! So this whole week has been very slow at work which makes me feel lazy and hate my job even more. It makes me just ITCH for a real job. I'm so ready to be done serving. Now the conflict. Obviously the plan has been to wait for Ben to graduate, find out where his job will be and find one for myself wherever that may be, since his job would be less available.....and I could find something in PR most anywhere in CA. Well, he has applied for an internship in Ankeny and if he gets it and they like him, they like to hire their interns for full time positions. Which would be in Ankeny....or possibly in LA or Diego, but only if they have openings out there....So this leads to the thing thats been on my mind. Lets say they offer him a position, and its making good money, but they say he has to stay in Ankeny until they get a position open in California....On one hand it makes me happy and releived. No stress of moving, we could live in Des Moines for awhile, where we're comfortable. Get some experience then take on California when we have money and job experience. On the other hand its like....well then why didnt I just get a job in Des Moines this year? rather than wasting my time in a restaurant not using my degree, barely getting by?....its frustrating. I want to wait. I have been waiting. I'm willing to wait longer. But at what point is it like, who's job/career path is more important? I went to school too....I want to have a career too....if he gets a job and six months later they say "ok now you can move to CA"....well what do I do then if I have a job? leave?......So while I've ALWAYS wanted to live underneath the California sun......now that its becoming a reality, its proposing challenges and confusion that I'd rather not have. Plus I'm right smack in the middle of an Iowa winter and that affects my mood a lot. I hate winter, another reason to move. I hate it. Days like this I want to move so bad. But ask me again in May when I'm cruising around Des Moines in Tessa with the top open. Ask me how I feel about Des Moines, Iowa then and I'll tell you I love it. How I wish it was sunny and 75 and I had a real job and a fancy apartment and I could have equal parts Ben, friends, and family.
"You got a piece of me, and honestly...
My life, would suck, without you...."