January 14

I'm not happy currently. I dont really know what the real, underlying cause of my unhappiness but I know what has triggered it in the past two days. Well I left work yesterday telling Ben all sorts of stories about work and figured we could get dinner or make it and then he told me he had already eaten. For some reason then I couldnt think of anything to eat and then by the time we got home nothing sounded good...and for some reason it bothered me that he didnt just text me and say 'hey I'm eating at Old Chicago, we can get you something to eat when you get off though', so then I wouldnt have gotten my hopes up for us to make dinner and I could have thought of what I wanted to eat. Then today I go to DSM and its all great and everything and then I'm coming back up and he says oh I"m going to the mall, I"ll see you tonight. SO I texted back saying I kinda wanted to talk to him before I went to work. In response I got a sad face. Ok, maybe its not a big deal that I couldnt talk to him before work, I would have called but my phone was about to die. So now I get off work and my boss offers to buy me dinner, but I text him to see if he's hungry cause I dont want to eat without him or leave him out if he had plans for us to eat. So he says he's starving and is willing to cook. So excitedly I go home. He's not there. Then I get a text saying he's leaving the mall. fifteen minutes later, no one. I text "where are you?"....no response. Ten minutes later he shows up with a friend. And I know this sounds stupid, and it sounds stupid to me as I'm typing it (which is why I blog so I can read my feelings and reflect)....But honestly I was expecting to come home and I could tell him about my day and the two of us would make dinner. Instead "I invited Emily to eat with us and we want to make enchiladas".....sigh. Just text me or call me if you already have plans, dont just tell me like its a side note. I'm being silly but I cant help it. Blah. I hate being upset and feeling stupid for it